"I am counting my blessings instead of gripes. I am blessed to live in a country where it is affordable to have socks. I am blessed that I have so many socks that sorting them is an option. I am blessed that even though I have a large pile that never seems to find its mate, I still have socks to wear. I am also blessed that I have the resources to wash these socks..."
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| All the lonely singles... |
You see, I have this pile of socks that drives me insane. My perfectionistic tendencies really shine when socks are involved. I want them to all match perfectly, have no irregular mud stains, and have no socks left single. Anyone who has ever had more than 2 socks knows that this is never possible. So in the meantime, I have two options. Leave all the socks out on the couch so that I can maximize the number of sock matches during our never ending laundry OR hide them in a cloth bag hanging in the closet and pretend they don't exist. This led me to fantasize about having a room that could be fully devoted to laundry. A beautiful, breezy, clean, magazine worthy room that could be added to my other dream room, a dedicated craft room. Midway through my dream, I realized how greedy I was being. I don't think it is wrong to have those things. I also don't think it is wrong to want those things and to dream about them. But my motivation was wrong. I was motivated by those grumpy, griping feelings that I was allowing to fester. Those perfectionistic grumblings that my socks were not living up to my expectations.
I know it is extreme and uncomfortable, but I needed it in those moments. So, brace yourselves. I pictured those African orphans with the distended bellys and sockless feet. Children with hungry eyes that see right through you. Images that relief organizations throw at us because they know we will throw money right back at them just to get them to leave us alone. They didn't ask for their plight. They often don't even have homes, let alone dreams for a dedicated laundry or craft room. (Consider sponsoring a child)
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| "How long will these people treat me with contempt? How long will they refuse to believe in me, in spite of all the signs I have performed among them?" Numbers 14:11 |
You see, I'm a dreamer. It's the way God made me. Yet, I've been reading a lot about the Israelites. If you aren't familiar or it's been a while since you read some of those old stories, they were often a bunch of complaining, greedy, selfish and ungrateful people. My dreaming was not lofty dreams of what ifs and maybe somedays, but why don'ts and not good enoughs. The moments that I posted those words on facebook were centering. By looking outside of myself, I was able to remember that this world and life are not all about me. There are others who have greater need, more desperate situations, less resources and face life with a steady grace. I was able to see that I have bounty and wealth despite my current economic struggles. I want to be a grateful dreamer, not an Israelite that gets bored with God's provision and demands something more and better.
I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.
I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.
Psalm 63:4-5
